05 Feb 2026
Emma Matthews, early years practitioner in Woodlands Nursery at Beechwood Park School near Markyate, explains how early years children are taught to understand turn-taking…
“They’re not sharing with me!” is a cry often heard in an early years environment and, quite possibly, in every home with siblings. But what does the child really mean?
– I want THAT toy (even though there are many others to choose from);
– They won’t give it to me! (despite the fact the first child is deep in play);
– It’s my turn (so they need to give it to me now!)
Sometimes, as an adult, I feel I have added to this ‘they’re re not sharing’ dilemma by giving up the toy I am playing with immediately when a young child shows an interest.
When my son was one or two years old, if he showed an interest in what I had, I would give him a turn to play with it instantly, but why? I wasn’t teaching him to take turns, I was teaching him that he could have what he desired right away. Of course, it would seem petty for a grown adult to keep playing with the toy car wanted by an infant, but by giving it to him I was actually giving up what I was actively using, to satisfy his immediate need. That’s not me teaching him to share. That’s just polite snatching! Of course, when we played with the car together, we were sharing by taking turns and that’s really what we mean when we say ‘share’.
So often at Woodlands, the teachers will talk about ‘your turn’. Sharing is allowing others to have a turn; alongside you, after you or when you no longer need a turn. It can feel unfair that John has the green bike first when you wanted it, but you will need to wait for your turn – in two minutes or 20 minutes – that is when the bike will be shared with you, because you can’t both use it at once.
Obviously, as adults we will determine what we deem to be a reasonable amount of time before encouraging John that his turn is finished. If we relate this to an occurrence in an adult situation, it is the equivalent of me complaining to my manager that a colleague is using my pen and I can only use that pen and I need it right now!
As adults, we wouldn’t act in this way (I hope), and so it feels fitting that we teach our children similar expectations for how to navigate these social situations.
You will often see a sand timer appear in the Woodlands garden. This is the children learning to share, without an adult, without complaint and without confrontation. They will explain to Tommy that they would like a turn on the green bike next and the timer will show when it is their turn. Once the children have been taught this concept, the bike sharing becomes a natural part of their routine.
Let’s compare this to a different situation where the toy I am playing with can be physically shared between two people at once. A Woodlands favourite… playdough. In this circumstance, the resource can be shared between friends, but now there is more to consider… the size of the piece to be sharing.
Let’s imagine Roshan is creating a beautiful snowman from three quarters of the playdough, showing a real plan with her work. Bella comes along to play and notices she has a much smaller amount of playdough.
Would it be ‘fair’ for Roshan to give up the playdough she is using? Are we back to thinking that Bella should wait for her turn?
This is a subjective situation where people may have different views. Personally, I think if a child is purposefully using a resource, they should be able to complete their plan. I would encourage Bella to use the playdough available for now. However, had Roshan and Bella arrived at the activity together, I would be more inclined to encourage them to share the playdough into equal amounts.
So, a small insight into what as an adult may seem a throw away comment… ‘just share’.
It really isn’t a simple task. Sharing takes understanding, time and modelling.
Sharing takes patience, empathy and maturity. ‘Sharing is caring’ is a lovely mantra, but if I can’t share right now, it isn’t because I don’t care, it is because I would really love to have my turn.
