06 Nov 2023
There is little that compares to the nostalgic guilty pleasure – the comforting childlike joy of dinner in a paper bag in the (then) back of my dad’s Citroen, writes Laura Bill.
Nuggets and floppy chips with him telling us not to get ketchup anywhere while watered-down Coke drips from the outside of a plastic cup.
Now it’s more of a cheeseburger in the face between the vets and the supermarket trip or just about the only place in the world that does coffee for 99p.
But my wistful leanings towards Ronald and his chums was short-lived last week as no longer was it the peaceful McEasy feeling of filling that gap between proper food. It just isn’t quite what it once was is it? Whether it be having to order from a screen rather than a human or join a queue of 47 cars, the fast element of fast food seems to have been removed. And let’s face it the food bit has always been slightly questionable.
So – as is usually the case nowadays – I had cause to be at one of those lovely retail park situations… yes, yes I know but until St Albans gets an independent car maintenance boutique or a white goods market stall sometimes it just has to be done.
I came out of the pet shop and just got that fancying-it feeling. I’d had one of those awful “You have to buy four of the same item – we can’t sell you just one” Pets At Home wind-up moments and I just needed a bit of reliability. What could be more straightforward than a Chicken Mayo from across the road?
My car was parked up and I walked into the restaurant to see loads of people tapping away on screens. I wasn’t in the mood for a menopausal McDonald’s mechanical menu meltdown so I decided to try the drive-thru.
The drive-thru was totally clear. No cars whatsoever. Only a long clear pathway. So I walked to the intercom and asked for a Chicken Mayo.
The server said: “You have to have a car!” I replied: “Oh – I’ve got a car. It’s just there (pointing to my car parked in the car park nearby).”
“No – you have to be in your car,” he said. So I walked to my car, got in, drove up to the still empty intercom and asked for a Chicken Mayo again. No problem!
I drove to the other window and paid for it and onto the next window. No joke, the server told me: “Please park up over there,” waving to where I had just been parked.
Thinking they were winding me up, I said: “You’ve just told me I need to be in a car at the drive-thru and now you want me to park my car where it was a minute ago?!?!”
McConfused, I contacted the restaurant’s press office to find out what was going on.
A spokesperson for McDonald’s said: “We are unable to serve pedestrians through the drive-thru lane in any of our restaurants and whilst I can’t comment specifically on this incident customers are often asked to park up to wait for their food at busy periods in order to keep the drive-thru lane moving.”
What I also found odd was that if health and safety is THAT important then why do they merrily let their own staff rush out to cars with a whole football team’s worth of food piled up in their hands but not trust 44-year-old professional(ish) me to order one Chicken Mayo on a driveway with no vehicles?
I also wonder what constitutes a ‘vehicle’. Could I pull up on an electric scooter or unicycle?
So instead of bothering with the complexities of the drive-thru, maybe you just have that desire to be lovin’ it from your sofa or bed. Anybody who hasn’t ever eaten 12 nuggets in bed is either a liar or clearly missing out on one of the rites of passage of adulthood.
You might decide to give JustEat a try – let them deal with the McDrama and see if they can get your McFlurry in more of a hurry than you can. After all, they have motorbikes and stuff.
Naturally, you expect to pay some sort of added fee for the pleasure of having your Big Mac Meal delivered to your door, even if a £1.49 delivery fee and 10% service charge (minimum 99p, maximum £1.99) does seem a little bit on the steep side.
But should you also pay more for the same items of food? Is it some sort of McStealth Tax (I think I’d better stop adding Mc to random words and phrases now, don’t you?) aimed at penalising punters who can’t be bothered driving to the restaurant?
A comparison between the prices charged by Just Eat compared to those on the restaurant receipt revealed surprising discrepancies.
So a Fish Fingers Happy Meal costs £3.49 direct from the restaurant, but £3.99 from Just Eat, two medium fries increase in price from £3.18 to £3.98, and two boxes of six chicken nuggets are £9.38 not £8.38. That’s an extra £2.30 on top of the £3.22 you’ve already paid for the privilege of delivery.
OK in the greater scheme of things it isn’t a huge amount of money, but over time it will be. JustEat told us prices on their website and app are set by individual restaurants, so back to McDonald’s we went…
Only this time, despite repeated attempts for a comment, their press office was surprisingly non-responsive…
