22 Feb 2024
A parents-driven grassroots campaign calling for tighter controls on children’s mobile phone access has reached St Albans.
WhatsApp group Hertfordshire Smart Phone Free Childhood – itself a spin-off of a national group which now has more than 4,000 members – now includes local chats for St Albans schools including Beaumont, Beechwood Park, Bernards Heath Junior, Crabtree Infants and Junior, Garden Fields JMI, High Beeches Primary, Maple Primary, STAHS, Sandringham, St Michael’s CofE and Fleetville Junior.
The group aims to encourage parents not to give their children smartphones until they are at least 14 and restrict social media before the age of 16. It comes in response to the normality of providing smart devices when children go to secondary school.
Gabrielle Farran, a St Albans parent and clinical psychologist who has supported children and their parents cope with mental health difficulties, explained: “I think the main issue is that parents currently face a real dilemma: they don’t want their children to be socially excluded because they don’t have a smartphone and aren’t on social media and so are left out of all those social interactions, but they don’t want their children to be bullied or exposed to the worst of social media if they allow them to have a smartphone.
“We know where we stand as parents and where we want our boundaries to be, but we feel like we may have to compromise because of where other parents decide to draw the line. Of course everyone has their own opinion, but it’s one of the few areas in parenting where we feel like other people’s parenting decisions are having an influence in our home.
“We know that there’s something about social media that can lead people to be more bullying or cruel than they ever would be in a face-to-face situation, and that’s so awful for a child to experience – and as parents we may not even know it’s happening.
“It’s not only terrible for the victim. It’s also tragic for the ones being the “troll” – that can’t really feel good, and especially if it leads to harm in the real world, they must be filled with such regret. These kids are all still developing their immature social skills and yet with smartphones they are armed with these super-powerful social devices capable of reaching huge audiences.
It’s like learning to drive in a Ferrari, it’s not fair to them and it doesn’t feel safe.”
St Albans resident Alisa Khakhar is mum to a Year 8 daughter who doesn’t have a smartphone. With 97 per cent of 12-year-olds in the UK possessing one she is in a tiny minority, but is convinced it’s the right decision and national restrictions on phone use will go a long way towards tackling the teenage mental health crisis.
She explained her reasons for not giving her daughter a phone: “I saw the risks associated with childhood smartphone use and I didn’t want to expose my child to that. My sister is assistant head teacher in a secondary school and she told me 90% of the problems she deals with involve social media.
“I wanted a normal childhood for my daughter, where instead of time head down in a phone she continued spending her time reading, playing, relaxing, listening to music, daydreaming, fully observing the world around her, creating, baking… I also didn’t want to introduce a power struggle over phone usage, constantly managing limits etc, into an already busy family life!”
She said she recognised the risks posed by smartphones: “Missing out on childhood with hours spent scrolling, messaging, responding, waiting for a reaction, being worried about that reaction (or lack of!), increased anxiety. Risking exposure to online bullying, inappropriate role models, and altogether making tween/teen life even harder than it already is.
“They are children, their brains are still in early development. As tweens/teens they are in a particularly intense period of development and so it’s such a risky time to expose them to all of this. It’s just so new that the research and regulations don’t exist to protect children yet, but it’s great that these campaigns are gathering momentum.”
Her daughter’s reaction was somewhat predictable: “Of course she course wasn’t happy! She is a tween and wants to be like everyone else, to fit in and belong. But we created space for discussion, shared the research and our reasoning and are always open to regularly reviewing and discussing this topic with her.”
There were also concerns about the reaction from her peers: “We were worried about this and so was she, but on balance we believed the rewards of not having a smartphone far outweighed this small perceived risk. And they have mostly gone unfounded, she is doing really well at school, enjoys some great extra-curricular activities, has a lovely group of friends who have just got used to her not having a smartphone.
“If they need to get hold of her and she doesn’t have her ‘brick‘ phone (which she doesn’t like to be seen with because it’s so rubbish – we need cooler alternatives for our young people!) they have my number. And to be honest if anyone was giving her a hard time I’d be having broader discussions about healthy relationships – if someone is giving her hard time for this, what else will they give her a hard time for?
“Actually the bigger problem for us has been at school when teachers have asked children to get their phones out to do something with it in class, even though it’s supposed to be a no-phone school, and my daughter has been out at a disadvantage.”
The campaign has also attracted support from other organisations.
“It’s been proved without doubt that the ubiquitous smartphone, with often unfettered-access to social media, contributes to the decline in our children’s mental health”, says mum-of-two Sophia Hermens, St Albans coordinator of Rites for Girls (www.ritesforgirls.com), which mentors girls through their adolescence.
“The pressure on girls especially to conform to internet beauty standards — Instagram face, AI girlfriends, looksmaxxing — is heightened as soon as they begin spending time online. This is happening younger and younger — especially following the pandemic.
“Meeting these societal expectations can be demanding and exhausting for our young people — and they can easily lose sight of who they are, leading to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and self-harm.
“In our monthly Girls Journeying Together groups, we offer preteens a tech-free space and opportunity to tune into themselves, to belong to a group where they don’t have to change anything in order to fit in, as they get to know themselves and practise being exactly who they already are, without external pressures.”
This week the government confirmed plans to ban the use of mobiles in English schools, with guidance ranging from an order to leave all phones at home, handing them in on arrival, keeping them in lockers or allowing pupils to keep them providing they are not used or heard. But many parents think the regulations are not going far enough.
A St Albans dad, who asked not to be named because of sensitivity surrounding his job, said: “As a parent of two little girls, I am scared for their future. I don’t want them growing up in a world where from age 12, the norm is that they will have a smartphone.
“It’s really clear from the evidence that teenagers cannot avoid internet content about self-harm, suicide, porn and violence.
“Locally, kids can be also too easily be subjected to widely shared and inescapable bullying opportunities on social media by their school peers.
“As a parent I read media stories about the tragic cases linked to this exposure, backed up by scientific systematic review literature which increasingly links mental health and suicidality in adolescents to smartphone use and social media.
“And why do kids have these phones so early in their lives? Because of huge advertising, marketing and design
budgets of tech companies targeting our kids and us. And because our politicians either don’t want to, or can’t resist the corporate pressure to allow them to addict our kids to their products.
“Parents think that it’s their fault that they can’t police every minute of the day, and know what their kid is looking at, but this is because companies make it seem like all the responsibility is on parents – through ‘tools’ to safeguard your children – against the companies’ own products.
“Make no mistake, these products will in 20 years have maimed a generation’s mental and physical health – just so that a few tech billionaires can buy a couple of extra yachts.
“Parents locally need to change the norm as tech companies won’t forego their profit to protect kids and successive UK governments won’t help quickly or deeply enough to make a difference.
“It feels hopeless but there are things we can do. Make a pact with other parents in the class not to give these smartphone ‘portals to porn’ out to their kids, and ask your schools and MPs to get policies in place to stop the proliferation of these screens wrecking our kids’ childhoods.”
Another mum of three, who also asked not to be named, agrees: “I have an 11-year-oldold, due to start secondary in September, and I am trying my hardest to not get her a smart phone. Already in her class there is a class WhatsApp group, and the meanness has already started, she asked to join twice, not fully understanding it, they have said there is a glitch and they can’t add her!
“After hearing of dramas in Year 6 at other schools, in Year 6, within WhatsApp groups she has now said that she does not want it. Thank God! But how long will that last.
“I don’t want her being the only child in Year 7 without a mobile or WhatsApp, or to miss out on meet ups etc, but again I think it will be far more damaging. It would be so much better if there were at least a few children without them so she won’t be the only one.
“My daughter has additional needs, is already vulnerable, but can be impulsive and I worry so much she may do something she later regrets if she has a phone. Let’s hope this takes off and a lot of other parents are supportive.”
Some parents are now pledging not to buy their children smartphones in Year 6 and instead provide a “brick phone” alternative until they are at least aged 14.
But it is not likely to be an easy decision to make. One St Albans mum, who has already bought one of these phones for her daughter, revealed: “I wish I could say the brick phone had been a success but my daughter hates it and tells us she gets laughed at. Even the teacher picked it out of the basket and said ‘Wow, who’s is this?’ So it’s definitely not an easy journey with so many in her class having iPhones, but we are sticking to our guns for now.”
What can you do to get involved?
A petition to ban smartphones and camera phones for under-16s has reached almost 10,000 signatures. You can sign it here: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/655473
Find out more about the national campaign and how you can get involved locally here:
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/
